Broken, Joyful, & Hopeful
It has been so long since I've updated this blog. I've sat down many times with the intention to write but my mind can't find the focus and courage to write all that I feel. Writing is truly therapy - but it's also draining in that of all the feelings that come to the surface while fighting to gather my thoughts. I've typed and backspaced and typed and backspaced ; over and over. I'm sorry in advance for the mess that will be this blog post. :)
Here's my scattered attempt at trying to list all major events that come to mind in the time since I've written last;
I chopped my hair off, I had surgery, me and my family hiked up Chimney Rock, my dear friend Levi and I completed our 5th year of leading VBS worship together, I camped in a tent in the middle of Pennsylvania for a week with some of the best Christian music artists on the planet (CREATION 2016!), I finished the school year, I started and finished Algebra 2, spent cherished time with my friends, I've got a job as a nanny for a family near and dear to my heart, my "big sister" has visited me from LA, we went to Hillsong!, I've started to plan a trip there for December, I've enrolled in classes for the 2017-18 school year, ran a 5k, white water rafted, my youth pastor and his wife left, my family has looked at several properties to move, my lovely parents have celebrated their 17th ANNIVERSARY!, my grandmother has been hospitalized (update: she's in recovery), I've deleted all social media & I'm currently in the car on the way to Garden City with a camper behind me (edit: where I'd soon get hit by a golf cart and suffer burns and breaks in my foot)...
Let me be honest, it is so hard to sit down with just Jesus. It almost feels as if it's hard to approach quiet time because I know I will break down, even though He knows every single thing crossing my mind.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling.
I still am having a battle with my own mind on what the next year holds.
Writing these things almost makes me feel stupid - simply because I know The Lord has every single second picked and in His hand for me. One of my true weaknesses is change, and uncertainty. I'm struggling with the thought of growing up. My stomach churns and my chest drops when I think of the future.
Although I can write much of my personal struggles, what ultimately is breaking me apart is what our nation is facing. I have no other thought except of how much I am craving the second coming of Jesus Christ. I believe the Devil is busy at work in our world, and as Christians we need to be on our knees in prayer every chance we get. I am a firm believer in the fact that the toughest battles are to be fought on our knees.
I could sit here, in the back of my grandparents car on the way to Garden City, writing forever. It's so easy to give up, and feel like all is a lost hope with the position our planet is in today. It's SO. EASY.
And what's NOT EASY, is to come face to face with Devil himself and rebuke Him in the name of our Savior and keep fighting and pressing on. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
WE HAVE A RACE TO RUN! We aren't near done yet.
The title of this blog post is a bunch of mixed expressions, however it's the only way I know how to express my current state. I'm broken. For this world, in my own life, in thinking of the future, just broken, and struggling. I'm joyful. Joyfulness is so incredibly different from happiness. Joy comes from only Jesus Himself and it is not temporary. It prevails through all the hurt, brokenness, trial and struggle. Happiness is of the world. Joyfulness comes from the fact that we have peace in knowing our eternity is with a saved soul in the presence of our Savior. I'm hopeful. No matter how foggy that concept is today. Hopeful through every bullet that's shot, through every friend that's betrayed me, through every terrorist attack, through all unknown of this upcoming election, through change, and hopeful in the fact that Jesus is STILL IN THE BUSINESS OF CHANGING LIVES.
Broken - Joyful - Hopeful.
I'm gonna do something a little different to end this post; virtual prayer? :) Whether you don't pray, you do, or you want to... I encourage you to join me in prayer and have confidence that Jesus says in Matthew that when His children come together He is present!
Here is my prayer right now, I encourage you to pray with me, for me, for others and by yourself.
Thank you for waking me up this morning. Thank you for giving me another breath.
Thank you SO MUCH Father for Your Spirit we can live with.
Thank you Lord Jesus for the empty grave and the fact that we can face tomorrow because You live.
And Jesus, I pray we can not just live in tomorrow, but we can celebrate each and everyday because of eternity.
Lord, I pray you never let us forget that you hold the future.
Give us hope, joy, and brokenness for the salvation needed in this world and the salvations that have already taken place.
Lord fill us with Your joy no matter the circumstance and give us courage to rebuke the enemy.
Give us courage to share Your love and live a sermon through our life not just with our lips, so that people might know You and the eternal joy you bring.
Father give us peace and the ability to slow down no matter how fast our world seems to be going.
Let me live through You, for You, and only You.
I pray all of these things only in Your Name Jesus, we love You.
Lauren McRoberts (written: 8/7/2016) published: 8/12/2016