I'm Not Equipped
Like I've always been with y'all, I'm gonna be 110% transparent with you and get really vulnerable. Brace yourselves and enter at your own risk. :) Just kidding, it won't be that bad... Maybe.
If you're human, you've felt a sense of insecurity, fear, inadequacy, or unworthiness during at least one point in your time here on this earth. If you're saying to yourself, "nope, not me", or "nah, never felt it", then let me tell ya, you're too insecure to admit you're insecurities.
Controversial to say? Yep.
A few years ago, my mom shared this incredibly deep, yet true quote with me;
Yeah. I know. Mind = BLOWN.
That's deep, huh?
At the time, it didn't really mean much to me, I was probably 12 or 13, and the biggest calling I felt probably was to ace the algebra test I was almost certain I was gonna flunk that week. Ha!
If you follow me on social media, either my Instagram or Twitter, you know Jesus has been calling me towards some pretty big things lately, for sure way bigger than that math test I was talking about. If you don't know what I'm talking about, or don't follow me on social media, then let me fill ya in. So, this time next week, I'll be flying home from an event I'm speaking at in Birmingham, Alabama. Then the next week, I'll be flying to Wichita Falls, Texas, to speak at another event. Oh yeah, and I've written and am in the process of publishing a book.
Now, those things may not be big to you, but if you ask me, I'm kinda in awe of Jesus right now. If you were to ask me a few years ago, or even this time last year, if I'd be traveling to share my story with hundreds of teenagers or even if I would ever think to publish a book, I'd look at you with complete confusion and urgency, to say HECK NO. Not me. This girl is not equipped, nor is she called.
So, I have a whole chapter in my book about some plans of mine that got wrecked by Jesus, and what I mean by that is all my life I've had this plan, and Jesus totally has shown me that He has a drastically different idea. Little did I know, that while I was supposed to be engulfed in this plan of mine, I'd instead be publishing a book, and spending my weeks traveling to speak and share Jesus. Wrecked? Yes. But let me tell you, if I've learned anything during my little time on this earth, its this; God's plans are ALWAYS better than ours.
Yes, I said it. ALWAYS. I don't care if your plane tickets are bought, your room is booked, your schedule is full, or you've already signed a contract, if its not in His plans, it's not gonna live up to what your plans are.
Bold statement, maybe. But I can speak first hand with this.
Anyways, so The Lord has been calling me to some pretty big things here lately, and yours truly has for sure had her moments of fear, doubt, insecurity, the whole 9 yards. There's been many nights where I'd sit in awe of Jesus, yes, but absolutely terrified because the last thing I feel I can call myself is equipped.
But, remember that quote I shared up there? Yes, God doesn't call those who are equipped. He equips those who are called. In other words, if your purpose on this earth is to be a missionary in a foreign country, or right here in your neighborhood, God is gonna equip you and give you every tool you need to fulfill that purpose. If He's calling you to go to college somewhere other than your ideal plan, or He's calling you to singleness for a little while longer, He's going to give and equip you with everything you need to stay put, and not only that, but to be AT PEACE with your calling.
Did you read that? Not only will He equip you when you don't feel equipped, but He will equip you with the PEACE and security you need to be content in Him.
While writing this, I kinda feel like I'm preaching to the choir because of how inadequate I've felt lately to fulfill the path He has for me. For example, I'll be so confident and knowing that the Holy Spirit is going to use me and move me where He wants, and then when it happens and He's working, I get so scared and insecure and become tempted to flee because I don't feel like I'm the girl for the job. Then I remember that HE IS FAITHFUL, and because of that, I will REMAIN FAITHFUL TO HIM. With that being said, I'm gonna be in the clouds this time next week, literally, because He's called me. And when He calls, you go. No matter if you feel like you're equipped or not, because when obedient, He is always faithful. And because of that, I can remain expectant and hopeful that because He's called, He'll use me. The same goes for you.
I'm here to encourage you, wherever you're at in your walk. I know people personally from middle school to the later stages in life that will read this blog and all I want to do is cheer you on and say, love, you ARE equipped. With Jesus, you are MORE than a conqueror, and if you feel called to something; chase it. Pursue it with all you've got. And no matter how afraid you may be, take that leap of faith and give it all to Jesus. Because, when called, He WILL equip you. And when obedient, He ALWAYS REMAINS faithful.
In Christ & w/ SO much love,